Remember that stretch of daily posts I did back then? Three whole days ago or whatever? That was neat.
This paper is due in eleven-ish hours and I just don’t care anymore. This other paper is due an hour and a half after that and nope. My basic game plan at this point is to run away to Monaco, or whatever the gambling city is, and lose all my money playing roulette with scary Bond villains, and I’m not sure what step three is but it’s probably better than avoiding writing papers until the last possible minute and then still avoiding them because they’re gross.
It’s been kind of a weird weekend in that I have done nothing of any value to anyone save myself. I went and saw a movie with a friend last night, an endeavor that took approximately six hours in total because we got dinner first and it was a long movie. I’ve read the free online version of three novels, give or take. I caught up on my favorite new TV show (Sleepy Hollow, which, just give it a try, do it for me). I thought about getting an undercut, a nose piercing, and several more tattoos. I hung out with my cat, which was nice except for when it was irritating.
I didn’t write a blog post because it would have just been boring lists of stuff I did instead of the work I was supposed to be doing.
And–okay, this blog is for me way more than it’s for other people, so: I had a good weekend. I do not think I would have done anything differently except that I would have somehow arranged for my brother not to die two months ago, or I would have arranged to have a better support network or to be better able to trust the support network I have. Ideally I would not have gone crashing headlong into a depressive spiral that lasted for at least four weeks of the bare minimum of effort, and then ideally I would not have had another one several weeks later.
Ideally I would spend a great deal less time clinging on to the edges of things by my fucking fingernails and instead I would be much more able to, I don’t know, get a damn grip. But–I haven’t jumped off a bridge yet, and I’m sticking to the decision not to.
It’s not ideal, but, you know. Meh.