Heyyyy, kittens.

The weather has gone back into the sixties, with approximately 87% humidity (according to Accuweather. Cite your sources, kids). Whatever that means. If it means anything other than “awful.” I seem to be allergic to it, or at any rate I have woken up feeling allergic to almost everything, so that’s–where I am at the moment; how are all of you?

I would like this blog to be a participatory experience for all of us, in which I get to be humorously mean about things and you enjoy it and I tell you about my casual daydreams of knocking irritating people unconscious with the heavy end of my thermos and you don’t tell anyone. There: I’ve filled my end of the bargain; it is up to you to keep me out of internet jail.

Have you ever been that kind of tired where you keep realizing your eyes are open slightly wider than usual in an effort to not fall asleep? That is me right now. I feel kind of like a tiny stupid baby animal all stumbling around bumping my head into people and table legs and walls and other stuff that keeps being slightly not where I expected it to be. (Especially table legs. I’m more than five feet tall; I should hardly ever be running my head into tables at all.) I feel, in essence, like I woke up without the usual shield mechanisms, and have to rebuild them with caffeine and cynicism as soon as possible, before I get squashed by something.

Conveniently, the other side of this is a tendency to want to go from “disinterested” to “furious” in about a second and a half, so I’ll probably make it through okay.

Let us pray. Pray that I will get to go on a beach vacation for like the rest of the month of December. I have it all planned out: I will bring alcohol, books, something to write with, and some painting equipment. I will sit on the beach drinking margaritas out of a thermos and muttering about lighting and landscapes. J. has signed on, though he is insisting on absinthe and Pernod, and I hate the former and don’t know what the latter is really. (Wikipedia says it’s absinthe. Well, that’s confusing.)

You come too. You can bring the snacks. I like salty crunchy things.