IT’S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN. The time of year where we all gather together to watch shit blow up but good in pretty sparkly kind of ways, filling the immediate area with tiny bits of debris and coating the skies with carbon residue!

Incidentally, no, I don’t get invited to many parties!

Except the ones I hold in my bedroom by myself. Because as hard as I try, even I can’t not bring me along when I go places. Or prevent forest fires by myself. Smokey the Bear was so misleading; I think that’s the most disappointing part of adulthood so far.

This Independence Day, I will be celebrating by: doing my homework; cleaning; cooking; doing some more of my homework; drinking really a lot of coffee; doing laundry; hissing at strangers, should I come across any; lurking; homework, la tercera parte; suspecting Google Translate of lying to me; and, last but clearly not least, day drinking.

Lest you think this last part the saddest of all, consider the average residente de los Estados Unidos at this exact moment. (Well, the citizens.) (Well, the patriotic citizens.) What are they doing? Grilling something, probably, almost certainly with at least one beer. Some of them are even grilling something with beer or some other kind of alcohol. That is a thing now.

I do not envy them.

(I kind of envy them. They probably do not have as much homework to do as I have got. Sigh.)

Oh jesus, have I already had the wine? I think not. I switched coffee brands yesterday because of how it was cheaper to do so; maybe Maxwell House is grinding their beans with whiskey now. They should probably tell someone, if they are. Alcohol allergies are very real and troubling things. For example, if I had one, I would be very literally and very troublingly dead. And that would be quite sad for one or two entire human beings, I think. They might be made up of composites of other human beings each of whom is only a little bit sad, but we must take what we can get.

Not sure about that grammar.

I have vocabulary to learn and essays to write. Signing out with this: Abandon your friends, and tell your enemies they’re pretty; it is probably time to mix it up a little.