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Avocados are one of those things that can be put on mostly anything, if you like them at all, and by “can” I mean “should always” and by “be put on” I mean “go into” and by the rest of it I basically just mean that avocados should always go into my mouth. Always. Because they are delicious. I would sell the soul of someone I didn’t like very much for fresh, delicious guacamole; I would sell my own for it if I was convinced that souls exist.

I have a really weird range of comfort food.

Many families have a parent who cooks. In mine, it was my dad; it’s not that my mom can’t cook, but she mostly thinks of food as fuel, so she doesn’t really care about cooking the way my dad did. He died when I was thirteen. The next four years were pretty much a blur of turkey soup and salads and sandwiches while I got over being a brat who refused to learn how to do things. It’s an ongoing process.

My aunt recently moved in with my mom after spending about six months living in North Carolina and working at a local fancy-ish grocery store learning how to make perfect guacamole, so there are usually avocados at the house. I, to contribute, saw approximately one million pictures of avocado sandwiches on Tumblr, snapped, and decided I needed one immediately.

So this is my recipe for avocado and hummus sandwiches. It’s become something that reminds me of my mom, because when I finally (in the last eighteen months, shut up) started to really figure out how the hell to make food I actually wanted to put in my mouth, this was one of the things she also liked.

Oh wait, this actually might have been her idea and then I modified it? Something. TAKING ALL THE CREDIT, MA.

Make this thing! Put it in your mouth! Live life to the fullest!

  1. Toast some bread. I like the weird wheat bread with all the extra grains and whatever in it, and the added texture is nice because all the other ingredients are pretty gloppy, but it doesn’t matter much.
  2. I usually use about half a ripe avocado per sandwich, but apparently this is a free country, or something. Slice it up! If it’s still kind of hard, I like to slice it up longways and then–across the cuts I just made? HELP I HAVE REACHED THE PROBLEM IN NOT ACTUALLY LEARNING TECHNIQUES, I DO NOT KNOW WHAT ANY OF THIS IS CALLED
  3. Have an existential crisis, apparently.
  4. Your bread is toasted! Yaaaay! Put some mayonnaise on it. Unless you don’t like mayonnaise. I really do, though. You can’t taste it much, so it makes approximately no difference, but I am not sure I am physically capable of making any sandwich other than a PBJ or the most basic grilled cheese without it, so.
  5. I like really garlicky hummus, but the spicy kind is also good; you probably want something with a little extra flavor, because hummus on its own can be kind of bland and I find that avocado really likes seasoning. (Like potatoes. All my favorite foods. What does this say about me?! Something about outsides vs. insides, probably. Tra la la la la.) Anyway, that goes on one of the pieces of toast.
  6. Avocado goes on the other! I mash it into the toast with a fork, I don’t really know why. Mashed strikes me as the natural consistency of the avocado. The firm slices are lies.
  7. Hot sauce goes everywhere. For reals. Ev-er-y-where. Well, on the avocado side. Or either side. If you use red hot sauce it looks really pretty against the green, but make your own choices!
  8. “But I don’t like hot sauce!”
  9. Get out.
  10. (Try Goya; the kind I have is bland as hell, unfortunately, but it gives it a nice flavor. You can get pretty small bottles if you think you’ll still hate it.)
  11. Put some salt on it, because reasons. “Reasons” being “salt is great” and possibly also “one day you are going to have heart issues because you eat too much salt, but that is one of those things you put a nickel in the worry jar about.”
  12. WHOA YOU SHOULD MAKE A WORRY JAR YOU WOULD HAVE SO MUCH MONEY
  13. Focus, Ned. Make the sandwich into a sandwich! Smash the two pieces together! Probably just place them, actually, unless you really wanted some kind of slimy toast with a side of mashed avocado and hummus instead.
  14. EAT IT. EAT IT WELL. Pay attention while you’re taking bites unless you want to get avocado all over everything except the inside of your mouth.
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