I got home from work at around five, and I’ve spent the rest of the night watching wedding shows on TLC. (Somehow Thing 1 and I have switched places in that now I am the one who is always watching TV, though usually I am pretending it is so I can do my homework and have a little distraction to go with it.)

Not gonna lie, I kind of hate myself. But I do have lots of good ideas for my wedding.

Unfortunately, they are all along the lines of “do not tell anyone it is happening.” Get all the people I care about, or, more accurately, the people I care about and the people who will never, ever shut up or leave me alone if I don’t invite them, to show up at a place and time, and then get married.

This one bride did take a helicopter ride between the ceremony and the reception, abandoning her guests to the cruel winds of fate, and that definitely sounds like something to look into. I wouldn’t come back afterwards, though. People can yell “DID YOU SERIOUSLY JUST GET MARRIED WITHOUT WARNING US” after the helicopter, and I won’t be able to hear them over the sound of the blades.

Me and whoever I marry can just kind of hang out in a helicopter for the rest of our lives to avoid the fallout. I mean, I figure if we can just stick it out for like the first six months people will just be so glad to see us that they’ll let bygones be bygones? Also, that should set some kind of record, so by the time we get back we should all have a lot more to talk about.

Weddings bring out the controlling side in everyone. Just…gonna give all that a swing and a miss, I think. And then run off in the other direction when people are busy trying to track the ball with their eyes. That’s called misdirection, son! You missed it! It flew right by you! OR DID IT?!?!?!