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Friend from grad school: “Hey, some of us are going to get sushi. Do you want to come?”

Me: “Sure!” (NO.) “Where is it?”

Friend from grad school: “At an intersection of two of the busiest streets in the city.”

Me: “Okay, see you there!” (AT RUSH HOUR ARE YOU KIDDING ME.)

MY BANK ACCOUNT, ON THE OTHER HAND: lol stay home.

Me (via text): My bank account said “lol stay home.” Darn! (NOT REALLY DARN)

Friend from grad school (probably): You liar.

Me: Sssshhhhh. Maintain the illusion, friend from grad school. Maintain. The. Illusion.

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