I made guacamole for dinner tonight.
It all mysteriously disappeared. I have no idea how. None at all. I will swear to that under oath. As long as I am swearing on something imaginary, like–well, okay, all the things that come to mind are incredibly cynical, like the impartiality of the United States justice system or a functional communist society.
(Have I offended everyone equally? Oh sweet fancy quarks, I have eaten so much guacamole. I mean, I totally didn’t! Because it fell into a wormhole. I swear on Furbys.)